Ministering to the Wounded
When a person gets out of an abusive group, church, fellowship, or ministry, it is only the first step in a long process of recovery. The more important work of “getting the group out of the person” has just begun. The following are some principles which I have found helpful in this work.
Unconditionally Love
When approached by a victim of spiritual abuse, be gentle and truly loving toward them. Listen to their story, affirm the feelings they are expressing, and show them that you accept them. As the relationship develops and they become a part of your church, let them know you value them as persons. Exhibit a genuine appreciation for who they ARE not for what they can DO.
Listen
Hear their story. Try to hear their “heart”. Allow them to open up to you without fear of retaliation or condemnation (this is what they experienced previously). They may speak angrily. They may cry. They may even raise their voice. But it is necessary that you just allow them to speak. Don’t evaluate. Just let them know you understand and value what they are saying.
Encourage Forgiveness
Be careful in this process as you may unwittingly encourage a spirit of unforgiveness, bitterness and cynicism in the person. Their experience was traumatic. They have been horribly mistreated by those they trusted. They have been seriously wounded in their spirit. But healing comes when we release that hurt. Help them come to a point where they can forgive those who inflicted pain. Jesus taught his disciples to pray: “Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. Forgiveness is a primary key to spiritual healing.
Work towards Restoration of Trust
That being said, forgiveness is quite different from restoration of trust. Forgiveness may take a while, but restoration of trust comes over a great period of time. God has called you to lead these precious ones into healing. Your job is to help them trust again. They already see you as a leader, but you must exhibit that godly leadership which is not coercive, abusive or dictatorial. Offer them suggestions (for example, scriptures to read, things to do, people to speak to), but let them know it’s their decision to follow through and that you will accept them whatever they decide.
Service
Many of the abused are highly motivated people who have a love for God and desire to use their talents and gifts in His service. Allow them to find their place in the body. They may want to serve immediately and indeed they may be good candidates for leadership. But they’re not ready. They need to heal. When the time is right, allow them to work with another experienced leader in the body providing an opportunity to learn / re-learn what godly authority is like. It will be an awesome opportunity for them and the one who they are working with may also grow in their leadership abilities.
Understanding of God
Any distortions in an understanding of God must be dealt with. A most common distortion is that our acceptance by God is based upon what we DO. In response, we must emphasize that God is a God of GRACE. We are saved by grace, not by anything we can do (Ephesians 2:8-10).
Honesty
It is important to be honest about yourself and people in general. Let them know that leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. That spiritual struggle is characteristic of even the most mature follower of Jesus. That all of us can learn to hear God’s voice ourselves and that we each need to have our own relationship with God apart from the group.
Victory for the Wounded
Shortly after that first phone call, Ruth and Fred began attending our church regularly, eventually becoming members. Ruth served in several capacities as a teacher, woman’s leader, and hospitality coordinator. Fred served on our worship team and, a couple of years later, became one of our deacons. They are currently members of another church closer to their home where they continue to serve God faithfully.
Healing for those who have been spiritually wounded is possible. God may be calling you into that ministry. However, recognize that it is a long-term process that demands a strong commitment on your part. If you decide to respond positively to that call, you will see God do awesome things.
3 comments:
Fancy a career as a child molester, child rapist or beating up the wife?! Fancy being part of an institution in which even if a child or woman goes to complain they'll get no help, then this is the place for you - Welcome Pedophiles all to the 21st Century Christian Church. Just get into a position of significance, leadership even, seduce them all with lots of money, and you've cracked it! The Christian Church seems to be the only place on Earth where you can molest, rape and beat up the wife without getting into trouble! A Pedophile Haven - damn you all for rewarding these monsters! Never mind The Corrupt Church as in the Book Of Revelation. I'd call this one The Dangerous Church, The Sick,Evil, Wicked Church - and I hate it! Damn those 'men if God' who think they're 'gods'! Damn them all!
If a man molested or raped a child or adult in my neighborhood he'd be beaten.uo by the local men - and could spend the rest of his life drinking liquified food out of a straw! Or be be reported to the Police and face the consequences. Same if he did this in his family, or in the workplace. But in the Church such a man is rewarded, by the fact that no one is willing to confront him, and deal with him accordingly. This is rewarding him.
200 children and adults were so treated by Church Elders in the Jesus Army in the UK. 700 were so treated by some Senior Pastors in the Southern Baptist movement in the USA. Some even admitted it e.g. "I did it to break her down", and we're allowed back into the pulpit. This is why I say the Christian Church is Dangerous. It's a hotbed of the most severe and sick sexual abuse - and the perpetrators are inadvertently assisted. By knowing about what some men are doing - and not dealing with it accordingly - these churches leaders are facilitating sexual abuse. That's why I say the Church is a Pedophile Haven, a kind of sexual tax Haven!!
I wonder if there may be Satanists who treat their children and wives better than some Christian Pastors?! The daughter of Anton LaVey ( founder of the USA Satanist Church) seems to have fond memories of him, which suggests he may have even cared something for her, but these Christian men???!!! I am certain of this - God WILL judge these men - and those who reward them! And as for me - I openly despise all of these 'Men Of God' - I hold them in upmost contempt! Damn them, Damn them all!
And, finally, do you care anything for me? And all the rest like me? Do any of you really care? Do you care that there are groups if Christian Church Elders committing gang rape, and forcing people to submit to bestiality?! Do you even care? Do any of you reading this really care? Is there a Christian movement anywhere in the world where sexual abuse is not happening?! Is it becoming an epidemic? Or even a pandemic? Does anyone care? Or am I just a piece of dog excrement, to be kicked out of the way? But I won't be kicked out of the way. Many silenced me for years, clever Elders etc, but I've found my voice - and I will make sure my voice is heard.
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