Battered Sheep: Healing for the Spiritually Wounded (Part 3)

Understanding the Wounded

Over the last twenty years, I have been given the privilege of ministering to a number of families that are able to tell tales similar to that of Ruth and Fred. As they have relayed their stories to me, I have observed some common characteristics between them:

Competence - Contrary to what one may think, many of those who have suffered spiritual abuse, are highly competent, even highly educated, people. Fred had a lucrative position in a major corporation and could “hold his own” in any discussion. Others who I have ministered to are a well-known local newspaper columnist, and an artist who displays her artworks at galleries and public venues throughout our area. These are not “weak-willed” people who are unable to discern or think for themselves.
Distrusting Loyalty - They have a high regard for authority and leadership, otherwise they would not be coming to you. Granted, that regard may be a bit misplaced and unrealistic, but it is there all the same. And yet they have a certain degree of distrust of authority and leadership. They have been deeply hurt by those in leadership. Therefore they are hesitant to trust at the risk of being hurt again.
Performance Based - They are highly driven to perform. In these types of abusive situations, acceptance of the individual in the group is often “performance-based”. The more one “does” the more accepted he or she becomes, and possibly the higher in the organization they rise.
Trauma - The pain of leaving an abusive church is extremely traumatic. The person may have been berated and had their spirituality questioned. They may have had an uncomfortable confrontation with the leader who attempted to talk them out of leaving. They may have been told that by leaving they are moving out from under the protective covering of God, even that there is no salvation outside of the group.
Reticence - They may be hesitant to speak out (often being told to not talk to anyone about their experience) for fear that they are speaking against God himself. Within the group, if they began to question something, they may have been labeled as having a “rebellious spirit” subject to the wrath of God
Distorted Theology - Since their faith was misdirected toward the leadership rather than towards the Lord, they may have a distorted view of God. They may view God himself (like the leadership) as deceptive, self-serving, and dictatorial.