Healing for the Spiritually Wounded (Part 4)

Ministering to the Wounded

When a person gets out of an abusive group, church, fellowship, or ministry, it is only the first step in a long process of recovery. The more important work of “getting the group out of the person” has just begun. The following are some principles which I have found helpful in this work.

Unconditionally Love

When approached by a victim of spiritual abuse, be gentle and truly loving toward them. Listen to their story, affirm the feelings they are expressing, and show them that you accept them. As the relationship develops and they become a part of your church, let them know you value them as persons. Exhibit a genuine appreciation for who they ARE not for what they can DO.

Listen

As mentioned above, it is important that you listen to them. I remember spending numerous hours with Ruth and Fred just allowing them to release all the things they had kept “bottled up” inside for years. A couple of times they even brought a friend with them who was going through the same thing.

Hear their story. Try to hear their “heart”. Allow them to open up to you without fear of retaliation or condemnation (this is what they experienced previously). They may speak angrily. They may cry. They may even raise their voice. But it is necessary that you just allow them to speak. Don’t evaluate. Just let them know you understand and value what they are saying.

Encourage Forgiveness

Be careful in this process as you may unwittingly encourage a spirit of unforgiveness, bitterness and cynicism in the person. Their experience was traumatic. They have been horribly mistreated by those they trusted. They have been seriously wounded in their spirit. But healing comes when we release that hurt. Help them come to a point where they can forgive those who inflicted pain. Jesus taught his disciples to pray: “Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. Forgiveness is a primary key to spiritual healing.

Work towards Restoration of Trust

That being said, forgiveness is quite different from restoration of trust. Forgiveness may take a while, but restoration of trust comes over a great period of time. God has called you to lead these precious ones into healing. Your job is to help them trust again. They already see you as a leader, but you must exhibit that godly leadership which is not coercive, abusive or dictatorial. Offer them suggestions (for example, scriptures to read, things to do, people to speak to), but let them know it’s their decision to follow through and that you will accept them whatever they decide.

Service

Many of the abused are highly motivated people who have a love for God and desire to use their talents and gifts in His service. Allow them to find their place in the body. They may want to serve immediately and indeed they may be good candidates for leadership. But they’re not ready. They need to heal. When the time is right, allow them to work with another experienced leader in the body providing an opportunity to learn / re-learn what godly authority is like. It will be an awesome opportunity for them and the one who they are working with may also grow in their leadership abilities.

Understanding of God

Any distortions in an understanding of God must be dealt with. A most common distortion is that our acceptance by God is based upon what we DO. In response, we must emphasize that God is a God of GRACE. We are saved by grace, not by anything we can do (Ephesians 2:8-10).

Honesty

It is important to be honest about yourself and people in general. Let them know that leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church. That spiritual struggle is characteristic of even the most mature follower of Jesus. That all of us can learn to hear God’s voice ourselves and that we each need to have our own relationship with God apart from the group.

Victory for the Wounded

Shortly after that first phone call, Ruth and Fred began attending our church regularly, eventually becoming members. Ruth served in several capacities as a teacher, woman’s leader, and hospitality coordinator. Fred served on our worship team and, a couple of years later, became one of our deacons. They are currently members of another church closer to their home where they continue to serve God faithfully.

Healing for those who have been spiritually wounded is possible. God may be calling you into that ministry. However, recognize that it is a long-term process that demands a strong commitment on your part. If you decide to respond positively to that call, you will see God do awesome things.

Part 3 | Part 1